To follow up my article on the Worst Albums of 2015, is the somewhat predictably-titled Worst Songs of 2015. And for my sanity’s sake, I hope and pray that this list gets a fair few views, because you’ve no idea how hard it’s been ranking some of the worst songs of this year. There’s been shameless substance-lacking shite (Rudimental, Jess Glynne, Wiz Khalifa), torturous trend-hopping tripe (Fifth Harmony, Jeremih, Krept & Konan), and also the downright pointless (KSI, Kid Cudi, Selena Gomez). Again, I hope this list is appreciated, or at least viewed, because it really has been the hardest articles to write since I’ve started The West Review.
20. Rudimental – Lay It All On Me (ft Ed Sheeran)
Lay It All On Me perfectly encapsulated the monotonous bore that was Rudimental’s second album.
19. KSI – Lamborghini (ft P Money)
Lamborghini was perhaps the best evidence that gamer-come-‘rapper’ KSI should stick to his original calling.
18. Pia Mia – Do It Again (ft Tyga & Chris Brown)
Pia Mia and co., the most predictable co. at that, shamelessly ripped off a reggae jam, and made it into the R&B-shaming mess it is.
17. Jess Glynne – Hold My Hand
Arguably the blankest, most talent and personality-lacking musician to nab a number one album and subsequent singles. Hold My Hand was the one that left me scratching my head the most.
16. David Zowie – House Every Weekend
A track that fuelled one of the worst pop culture crazes of the internet age- shuffling. This repetitive emulation of house turned every music virgin and Instagram famous 15 year old, onto the idea of popping mandy at their first V-fest.
15. Meghan Trainor – Dear Future Husband
At what stands as one of my most popular articles of all-time, is a rant shaming Meghan Trainor for her blatant rip off of Olly Murs’ Dance With You Tonight. Full article here.
14. Wiz Khalifa – See You Again (ft Charlie Puth)
For a woeful actor, Paul Walker didn’t half get a lot of recognition, most of which through Wiz Khalifa’s See You Again. Corny, cheesy, cringey, all words that describe one of the biggest, yet worst, songs of 2015.
13. Krept & Konan – Freak of The Week (ft Jeremih)
Tinie Tempah, Chip, Professor Green, Wretch 32, all grime artists who abandon their background and convert themselves into blank pop stars. Krept & Konan were the latest to follow this trend, and they did it with Freak of The Week.
12. Kid Cudi – Trauma
I placed Kid Cudi’s Speeding Bullet To Heaven as one of the worst albums of 2015, which is why a song from that album would make sense appearing on this list. Trauma was the worst of the lot, and if you’re wondering how bad this album is, check out this song.
11. Sigma – Glitterball (ft Ella Henderson)
Not long ago, I dedicated an entire article to the sell-outs that are Sigma. Shamelessly ripping off what only they would call drum and bass, Sigma reached new lows when they enlisted The X-Factor’s Ella Henderson for their predictably done-before Glitterball.
10. Selena Gomez – Good For You
It very rarely works out when an all-out pop star tries to be edgy. And unfortunately for my future wife, this trend was in no way broken with this limp attempt at reinvention.
9. Natalie La Rose – Somebody (ft Jeremih)
To be able to butcher a song like I Wanna Dance With Somebody in the spectacular fashion that this pair did, really is something to marvel at. It was also a gentle reminder of what a horrendous song LMFAO’s Shots was.
8. Tyler, The Creator – Cherry Bomb
All of the songs on this list I’ve managed to say a word or two about, but this, this I don’t even know what to say.
7. David Guetta – Hey Mama (ft Nicki Minaj)
David David David..when will it end?
6. Fifth Harmony – Worth It (ft Kid Ink)
Simon Simon Simon..when will it end? Simon Cowell’s latest product abundantly ripped off an already horrific R&B-mess in the form of Jason Derulo’s Talk Dirty, and the result was no better.
5. Rihanna – Bitch Better Have My Money
Ever since Rihanna traded in her dignity for further fame following the release of 2007’s Take A Bow, the so-called ‘Bajan beauty’ has been just another name to add to the list of artists I couldn’t care less about. Bitch Better Have My Money propelled the once-alluring Rihanna into even deeper depths of desperation. It’s not sassy, it’s not rebellious, it’s not cool, just go away.
4. Tinie Tempah – Not Letting Go (ft Jess Glynne)
Tinie Tempah is a name already lucky enough to appear on this list, as is Jess Glynne, and when the two came together for Not Letting Go, it was everything I hate about pop music. There’s no substance, there’s no character, there’s no inventiveness, no ingenuity, Not Letting Go has no point, purpose or reason, it simply exists to pump money.
3. Britney Spears – Pretty Girls (ft Iggy Azalea)
‘All around the world, pretty girls // Wipe the floor with all the boys // Pour the drinks, bring the noise // We’re just so pretty! // All around the world, pretty girls // Jump the line, to the front // Do what we like, get what we want // We’re just so pretty.’
2. Felix Jaen – Ain’t Nobody (ft Jasmine Thompson)
I love love love Chaka Khan’s Ain’t Nobody, and I really loved Route 94’s 2014 remix. So to see it ripped off in such a shameless way was just painful. Trend-hopping onto this brand of sun-kissed ‘house’, Felix Jaen copied exactly what sold records at the time, and chucked the first pretty face he came across onto the song to provide vocals.
*not even going to insert video to provide her with views*
1. Madonna – Bitch I’m Madonna
When will this women retire? Seriously, her music literally cannot get worse, and Bitch I’m Madonna is more shocking than I ever expected from her 13th album. I’m just deeply upset that Diplo handled production, and Kanye West made a cameo in the video. I expected better from you guys.